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A Local Fan’s View Of The Pig Shit Awful Phillies
by Schroeder If the Milwaukee Brewers actually pull off a sweep of the Philadelphia Phillies tonight, it will be the nastiest broom the sports world has seen since the one that was shoved up a Johnson...
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The NL East Will Suck Big Goat Dick In 2016, Bro
by Rakesh the Intern I’ll tell you something, bro. Some of these teams have bigger problems than Uncle Kunal, and we once caught that guy fucking goat at family reunion. It’s that time of year again,...
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A Bottle Of Bud Light Lime Probably Saved A Man’s Life At The Mets-Phillies...
by Frank Rhombus It’s like I’ve always said: Drinking saves lives. Odds are you’ve never heard of Odubel Herrera because he plays for the Philadelphia Phillies, and they’re pure fucking garbage. But...
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MLB Umpire Bob Davidson Threw A Phillies Fan Out Of The Ballpark For Saying...
by Tommy Gimler Bob Davidson is one of the three worst umpires in Major League Baseball. He looks like your stereotypical alcoholic uncle who failed out of high school but somehow still thinks the...
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If You Know How To Read, This Is Probably The Funniest NL East Preview You’ll...
by Frank Rhombus It turns out the only thing more fucked up than how the Atlanta Braves dicked over the people and nearby businesses in Cumberland last year was Jose Fernandez behind the wheel of a...
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How About NBC 10 Remembering Roy Halladay By Showing Clips Of Him...
by Tommy Gimler What’s next, the Dallas affiliate remembering Michael Irvin when he dies by showing his mugshot? It was a sad day for baseball fans everywhere yesterday, as former Blue Jays and...
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Every National League Team’s 2018 Preview In Two Sentences Or Less
by Tommy Gimler Bad news for Pirates and Padres fans, as your teams blow. But unlike the Marlins, at least those teams have fans. The 2018 MLB season is 36 hours away from first pitch, so we need to...
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Akbar Gbaja-Biamila Probably Threw The Worst First Pitch Ever At The...
by Frank Rhombus Still better than anybody pitching for the Reds, though. I turned 48 earlier this year, and if this progressively bigger, grayer mane of pubic hair wasn’t enough of a reminder of...
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Lenny Dykstra Continues His Legal Problems Hot Streak, Gets Arrested After...
by Tommy Gimler Nails. Most people would spend more than six months in jail for bankruptcy fraud and money laundering or get charged after stealing $50,000 worth of jewelry from a porn star and...
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Placido Polanco Received Not One But TWO Votes For The MLB Hall Of Fame
by Tommy Gimler The fuck? It was a big moment for the game’s greatest closer of all time yesterday, as Mariano Rivera became the first player ever to be unanimously voted into the MLB Hall of Fame....
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Bryce Harper Apparently Still Wants To Bring A Title To DC Despite Signing...
by Frank Rhombus If you haven’t heard by now that Bryce Harper will make $330 million over the next 13 years in Philadelphia, you’re probably deaf. The Phillies made the largest contract in major...
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Bryce Is Nice In Philly But Nationals Win NL East This Year, Bro
by Rakesh the Intern Beating Marlins this year is going to be easier than my ex-girlfriend Akansh, and she was biggest slut in Howrah, bro. Check it out, bro. It’s no cricket, but this silly game of...
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Instead Of Focusing On Christian Yelich At The Plate, Phillies Fan Picks His...
by Tommy Gimler Everybody picks their nose. It’s just that some are better than others in the discretion department. Case in point is this Phillies fan picking a glorious Wednesday afternoon to grab...
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MLB Umpire Ejects Pitcher For Hitting Batter, Pitch Was Actually A Breaking Ball
by Tommy Gimler It’s not often you see a Major League hitter plead on behalf of the pitcher who just plunked him, but that’s exactly what we got during the Dodgers’ curb stomping of the Phillies last...
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