by Tommy Gimler
Nails.
Most people would spend more than six months in jail for bankruptcy fraud and money laundering or get charged after stealing $50,000 worth of jewelry from a porn star and realize that it’s time for a change.
Then again, Lenny Dykstra isn’t like most people.
The former Mets and Phillies outfielder who once had no idea the big dumb ass on the mound pitching against him and his Mets teammates was future Hall-of-Famer Steve Carlton once again found himself in handcuffs early this morning after police found cocaine, weed and ecstasy on him, and that was after an Uber driver sped into a parking garage near the cop shop in Linden, New Jersey and ran from the car because Dykstra had allegedly pointed a gun at his head and threatened to kill him.
From NJ.com:
When the driver turned down Dykstra’s request to change his destination, the ex-major league player allegedly pulled out a gun, pointed it at the man’s head and threatened to kill him. The driver got the attention of police by speeding into a parking garage next to the police station and repeatedly honking his horn before stopping at headquarters, police said. The Uber driver then ran from his car, according to police.
Cops didn’t find a weapon, but Dykstra had cocaine, marijuana and ecstasy on him when police took him into custody around 3:30 a.m. according to a statement. Dykstra, 55, was charged with making terroristic threats and a slew of drug offenses. He was released with a summons and is due to appear in Union County Superior Court in Elizabeth next month.
The DUD Breakdown
Look, if you’re in a celebrity death pool, it’s a must that Dykstra is not only on your roster but also in the starting lineup. I mean, there’s only one way this is going to end. I’m not Matthew Berry, so I don’t know if he’s available in 46 percent or 81 percent of celebrity death fantasy leagues, but even if it means having to trade away Kirk Douglas or Jimmy Carter to get Dykstra on your team, do it…
Wait, there’s more: Kudos To This Hockey Player Who Crapped Out A 25-Inch Tapeworm And Then FaceTimed His Mom
You have got to see this shit: